My Life After Age 60
Life was going along quite smoothly and then BAM! I hit my sixties! What happened? Almost immediately after I turned 60 my waist started to blow up. Maybe they forgot to release the air after my last colonoscopy? No clothing size fits. Forget about anything with a waistline. I now sneak through the maternity section seeking jeans that will not fall under my fat roll.
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
Now it may be because of the excess weight I now carry but I can’t seem to get up from low chairs. I know muscles get weaker as we age but seriously I almost had to call for help to get off a public toilet. There is nothing to grab on to in a public bathroom. I’ve almost pulled toilet paper holders and sanitary waste holders off the wall trying to pull myself off the seat. The final straw was when I had to bend over and put my hand on the filthy floor to push myself up which resulted in me tipping over and almost cracking my head open.
Mumble, mumble, mumble
Speaking of calling for help, Try listening on a cellphone or any phone once you hit your sixties. Mumble, mumble, mumble. Why can’t people speak clearly? Oh wait, they are? It’s called presbycusis which is age related hearing loss. Something to do with the consonants in words being too high pitched. Nope, I don’t agree. I can hear a pin drop. It’s just that the younger generation never learned how to pronunciate clearly. Right?
You know it could be the 40 pound baby I’m carrying but I sure get tired easily in my sixties. I park my car at the grocery store and then sit there thinking “do I really want to walk that far?”. I used to be able to clean the whole house in one quick swoop. Now I dust, sit, scrub, sit, vacuum, sit, load the washer, sit. You get the picture. If you’re still young then make sure you save enough money to be able to hire a house cleaner when you get older. You’re going to need one.
I look ridiculous flapping my arms
Maybe it’s my old lady perfume but there sure are a lot of bugs or spiders flying around me now that I’ve gotten older. Oh, wait. Those are eye floaters? I’m sure I look ridiculous flapping my arms around swatting the air. They say your eyesight starts to be affected when you hit your sixties. Colors aren’t as bright, things look dimmer, it’s harder to see at night. If I’m experiencing any of those I can’t tell yet, anyway. But if you see me driving down the sidewalk at night please let me know.
Well, I just walked away for a few minutes to get a drink and then I thought, what was it I was just doing? Oh, yea. Writing an article about my life in the sixties. The 1960’s? I remember those years. Flower power, The Beatles, bright orange vinyl dresses, Laugh In. But ask me what I did yesterday and you’ll have to wait while I ponder for awhile. I always hear about the warning signs of memory loss. They talk a lot about loosing your keys. In your sixties it’s not so much about loosing your keys as it is about forgetting you even needed your keys in the first place. I’ve actually went to look for my keys to go to the store and next thing you know I’m sitting in front of the TV watching the news. They say people with ADHD get distracted easily so maybe that is what is happening. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
I might just make it
All in all, being 60 something isn’t so bad. I still feel young in my head anyway. I can still do most everything I’ve always done, just maybe a bit slower or different. I think I’ll make it through my sixties just fine. If I can just keep high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, incontinence, osteoporosis, heart disease, etc. etc. at bay I might just make it to my seventies. See you in a decade!